you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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