you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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