Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
