Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
