im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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