In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
