come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
