I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
