Porn is love you can see.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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