This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
