then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just invented taco cereal.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
