Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
