there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
