So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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