nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
