Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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