I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
