I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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