oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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