Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
