Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
