I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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