Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
