I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
