You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
