The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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