I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
