im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
