i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
