if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
