God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
