I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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