I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
