you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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