Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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