shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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