Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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