We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
