I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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