I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
