I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
