I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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