I faked an abortion last night.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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