how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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