Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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