Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
