You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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