The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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