how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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