I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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