I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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