I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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