I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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