I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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