Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
