my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
